Saturday, July 30, 2011

Friday, July 29, 2011

Society is ugly

I've lost the touch of interaction. I've unconsciously started to built walls instead of bridges, to hide in my own little world that only consist of myself and my thoughts. That's just because I fear rejection. I fear what others may think of me, that I'm not what they think I am or what they would like me to be. I wish that I could construct a better and improved version of myself.

We all crave affection and attention, success and victory, but we won't always be the lucky ones.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Metallic dreams

Chase & Status - Hitz ft Tinie Tempah
Call Your Girlfriend - Robyn
Down With The Trumpets - Rizzle Kicks
Techno Fan - The Wombats
Feel So Close - Calvin Harris
Bounce - Calvin Harris ft Kelis

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Nothing but the truth

I want to get hurt. A car accident, anything. I want to get injured enough to wind up in a hospital, just to see if anyone would come to make sure I’m okay. And I’d pretend to be sleeping or dying so in case anyone actually did come, they would sit at the edge of my bed, crying, and tell me everything. I want to hear everything they’ve ever thought of me, how they really feel, if they’re sorry for anything. I just want to know the truth. And I want to know who truly cares about me.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Sorcerer's stone

The runway is short. Too short.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

I had the time of my life

Universal Studio Singapore with my family and Anisha (who I have not seen in months, so it was definitely really good to be able to see her again, catch up and have fun) yesterday. Staycation at Festive Hotel which, by the way, has an amazing bathroom (hint: huge with a jacuzzi-like bathtub). Good times.


Saturday, July 16, 2011


I caught Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 on yesterday with Sophia and Renuka. The last instalment was so godamn fucking amazing. I couldn't stop crying.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo I don't want it to end!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Evian: Live Young

These baby t-shirts for $30 each.......should I? I know I know won't wear it out often, but I would very much like to keep it like it's a national tresure or something.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

You would be a delight on my feet

photo credits: leblogdebetty

I would every much like a pair of clear sandals pretty please with the cherry on top.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Stagnant water

Today, I got back my Prelim 1 results which weren't up to standard (as always). It's never going to be. I did try, or perhaps attempt to try, but it just wasn't my best. Maybe because I've lowered the bar so much that I don't even seem try and give in just like that. Sometimes I feel, "what if my best isn't good enough?" what am I supposed to do then? What can I do? What if my best equivalent to everyone's worse? What if I can never do this?

This prelim really got me thinking, that I've only got weeks to the next prelim and 4 months to the big national examination...and what if I can never meet my expectations. Or even improve at all. Also that I don't think I'm suited for all this studying.

As much as I really want to get into a Junior College, it's just only because I want to please my parents, and partially also because that it's a wider platform for me, before I'm actually clear of what I really want of my future.

I will definitely head to Junior College, but only if my results ever allow me to get in. At the same time, if I do get into Junior College, I don't really know if I can keep my sanity for another 2 years just studying topics I may not even want to further in. It's not that I'm biased towards Polytechnic because of the stress in Junior College - I understand that both will definitely be stressful (there's no easy way out in life), but I keep wondering if we do have anything to live for/ if there's a meaning to life? Why is it necessary to study the irrelevance? How will it help us?

Furthermore, when we grow up, we work. In the end we all just want to earn money and survive in this world. Junior college (2 years) > Bachelor Degree (2-3 years) just to achieve a higher pay (after 5 years) and Diploma (3 years) > Workforce (a few years) > Higher pay after experience of a few years. Are they not nearly the same? Just different paths...

To be honest, I'm debating myself, and I'll just be forever debating myself. Will it be worth it to lose my sanity just to please my family? Will it be worth going through the torture (all over again)? I would think so, since it's only two years, but two's such a small number, but yet such a long time.

Everyone says "It's only two years," "Hey, you survived 10 years of being in school," but really, everyone is different.

I just want to get better grades. I need to. I need to push myself. I need to taste the sweetness of achievement. The sense of satisfaction. No matter how much/ hard I try, my grades forever remain stagnant.

Stagnancy is better than deproving right? But no, stagnancy is a sign that I'm contented with my results. I'm not, but I can't seem to improve. I don't know how. I just wish I knew how.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Free fall

 I would just want to travel the world. I hope that the end of year backpacking trip is on!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

You and me, turn it up ten thousand watts

Serious man-repelling right here with the collar obsession I have. I even cut out the collar of a shirt I didn't want anymore. Either go big or go home :-)

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Impossible to forget, hard to remember

I'm thinking of deleting this page.. but I'm sure there'll be days I'd like to ramble about my life. Perhaps when I graduate from secondary school, I might.

Meanwhile...I'm browsing through recipes (even though I am pretty bad at baking) for fun. Also because my gramma's birthday is around the corner and so are some of my friends.

Before I forget, just a word to sum up last week (the week-long absence from the internet...which I survived, yay): stress. Had prelim 1 (where the last paper is tomorrow! human geography which I haven't started on) and O Level Chinese oral!!!!!! I totally....totally....totally...totally...freaked out. No, actually I was less nervous than I thought I would be when I entered the examination room, but before that I had a mix of uncontrollable emotions that needed Jenn and Soph to keep me sane.

To conclude, I would absolutely want to thank Jenn and Soph for being there for me till the very end, having to listen to my ramblings and insanity. Everyone who wished me luck, and Jan, if you're reading this, I can't wait for you to come back to Singapore and I'll be there for you when you get back your results!

Good luck to my lovely classmates who will be having their turn at chinese oral on Tuesday. You guys can do it! :-)


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