How to weather a pirate attack:
Accelerate to ramming speed
Modern pirates use fast, fibreglass boats and pull alongside victims' ships to board. An average cruising sailboat can tear through a lightweight sppedboat. That said, never try to ram into a sturdy oaken pirate galleon like The Black Pearl
In a fight, aim for the eye patch
They'll never see it coming
How to neutralize a ninja:
Only a ninja can kill another ninja
Concealing metal auto-guns around a moonlit cleraing and then luring in a ninja will only result in the ninja nimbly dodging bullets and tricking the robo-turrets into shooting each other. Unless you are trained in ways of mystical midnight combat, hire a mercenary robo-ninja. Unlike you, a robot is capableof ambushing a ninja by perching montionless on a ledge for two weeks without eating, drinking or blinking.
By Daniel H. Wilson
TEEHEE!
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